Please... Tame her... Somebody??

Every once in a while, a little something happens that compels me to unleash my spoken wrath onto anyone willing to read it... Tonight, it's Miley.

SEE here the music video for her new single "Can't Be Tamed"

The biggest problem that I have with this music video is not even the fact that she is SEVENTEEN years old and appears multiple times throughout the video either straddling a faux bird's nest, pushing away potential molesters or making her best 'satisfaction' face while bedecked in little more than a studded bodice or dark feathers/makeup. No... not even the biggest qualm I have with this artistic excuse for child pornography. And no... it isn't even the fact that I could already visualize the 6th graders who would want to emulate Cyrus' actions and appearance for Halloween 2010. It was the fact that she is the second person in the past week to come out with a music video that is blatantly copied off of the moves, sound and persona of Lady Gaga.

Now, I am all about trends. I wear bejeweled headbands when they're socially acceptable, I tuck my shirts in and belt my high waisted shorts. And yes... I wore butterfly clips. However, art should not be about who can make the best version of what has already been innovated. Lady Gaga either started her own pop/rock/disco revolution or reinvigorated the irony of Queen, the thrill of Madonna and the sexuality of Marilyn Monroe. Yet, no one can say that what she is doing now has obviously been done before, most specifically recently.

Last week Christina Aguilera released the music video for her new single, which looks almost exactly like Lady Gaga's video for Bad Romance. And now Miley Cyrus comes out with a video of people wearing cages on their heads and hitting awkwardly avant-garde poses to eclectic techno rocker beats and she expects us to take her seriously? Sure, the song is your own (no really... keep it Miley... it's yours). However, if you don't listen to Jay Z (which she said she didn't in an interview earlier in the year), then you sure as hell don't know who Fosse is nor do you have any concept of talent, artistry or modernity.

Whoa. I'm sorry. This suddenly got accusatory. Obviously, I am biased against Miley. So, to end this in a constructive way... a few words of wisdom for the train wreck that my children (or niece at least) will follow on Perez Hilton when they're in college...

1. Don't mention your DNA in your songs. You came from the one-hit-wonder who coined the phrase 'achey-breaky heart'. That is not something to brag about.
2. If you got a license at your last birthday and you're going to be a legal adult in you're next birthday, you should not be touching yourself in front of a video camera that will record your inappropriate sexual movements to be broadcasted around the world.
3. Shouldn't you have learned to stop dancing on poles by now?
4. Rihanna called. She wants her costume designer back. Oh... and her faux hawk too.
5. Coordinated thriller-like dance moves in eerie dark outfits in pyramid formations? Michael Jackson is turning in his grave.

Yea... sorry... got biased again. I guess I just can't be tamed.